Letter to my Spiritual Companion

As I continue to prepare mentally for the Camino, I am coming to terms with my understanding of a pilgrim and a pilgrimage.  This journey is becoming a symbol of my life here on earth.  I am a traveler learning and growing as I go through the weeks, months, and years of my life moving ever closer to God and the person I was created to be.  There have already been beautiful vistas to enjoy as well as the desolate deserts.  But in all of the times of my life, God has been beside me calling me nearer to the path that was created for me.  To be a pilgrim is to enter into the unknown, trusting that all will be well.  It means being present to your surroundings and learning to see the environment as part of the call forth - "Come and see."  This, all of this is for you to experience.  It is all laid out for you to either enjoy and be awestruck by or to learn from.  Part of the journey is to be present to the place, the people, knowing it is all part of the pilgrimage.  I want to take it all in and appreciate this liminal space and time that has been set aside to move through the transition into the next phase of my life.  To be a pilgrim is to be open to the unknown of what lies ahead.  It is to be courageous as you enter into this new frontier of what God has waiting for you.  It is to trust.  

Me as Pilgrim

 Within a matter of a few days, I will be retired once again and be boarding a plane bound for Spain. Upon my arrival I will be following in the footsteps of St. Ignatius as I pray my way from Loyola to Manresa.  I have no doubt that God has led me to this place in this precise time.  I am embracing the label pilgrim but it has been something I have had to define for myself.  Today I am sharing an unedited/unrevised entry from my journal.   

As I continue to prepare mentally for the Camino, I am coming to terms with my understanding of a pilgrim and a pilgrimage.  This journey is becoming a symbol of my life here on earth.  I am a traveler learning and growing as I go through the weeks, months, and years of my life moving ever closer to God and the person I was created to be.  There have already been beautiful vistas to enjoy as well as the desolate deserts.  But in all of the times of my life, God has been beside me calling me nearer to the path that was created for me.  To be a pilgrim is to enter into the unknown, trusting that all will be well.  It means being present to your surroundings and learning to see the environment as part of the call forth - "Come and see."  This, all of this is for you to experience.  It is all laid out for you to either enjoy and be awestruck by or to learn from.  Part of the journey is to be present to the place, the people, knowing it is all part of the pilgrimage.  I want to take it all in and appreciate this liminal space and time that has been set aside to move through the transition into the next phase of my life.  To be a pilgrim is to be open to the unknown of what lies ahead.  It is to be courageous as you enter into this new frontier of what God has waiting for you.  It is to trust. 

Final Thoughts on the Spiritual Exercises

God has called me his Beloved.  I am His and He is mine.  The Exercises began exactly where I left off in the cell of El Retiro more than five years earlier, feeling completely enveloped in the love of God and yet fearful of meeting God's deep loving gaze.  The loving gaze of God was something to which I would slowly grow accustomed during the Exercises and learn to welcome.  In the beginning, tears always accompanied this experience.  Who was I that God could love me so deeply?  This was followed by the hollowing out of my ego and sinful self to make room for the loving presence of God that would reside in me forever.  These were days of extreme discomfort and unexplainable tears. When it had passed, my promise was to love, honor, and praise God in my words, thoughts, and actions. I began to say Yes following the model of Mary and I never stopped. Yes to daily prayer, yes to listening for the still, small voice of God in whatever form it took, yes to my loved ones, yes to the call - whatever it might be.

Throughout the Exercises I "heard" God in new and astounding ways. My weekly meetings with Kelly, my Spiritual Guide, taught me to pay attention to the little things, to words and phrases that I repeated n my sharing from week to week or month after month. The result was a primary teacher's Word Wall on my bathroom mirror reminding me daily of how God was working in and through me. God spoke to me in my dreams - a totally new experience for this deep sleeper who has always yearned to remember her dreams. God woke me with songs in my head - some that I hadn't thought of for 30 years and some not since my childhood. What started as a lyrical mystery to be solved soon just became a welcome reminder that God was with me at all times and nudging me into an awareness of that presence in new and beautiful ways. I entered the world of Christian, not specifically Catholic, music and will never be he same. Prayer took over my life as a constant conversation with God. Each morning I started with my email devotionals as I always had but not until I had wished my Beloved a good morning and entered into deep gratitude for what may lie ahead in this day. I delayed my rising just to be in the loving presence of God. I felt his love surround me as I lay in the hollow of His cupped hands. I never found a systematic prayer time for the Exercises but I looked forward each day to sitting in my prayer chair and saying Hello to the God who was always waiting for my greeting. I learned to begin with quiet music to calm my head and after a few minutes would look up to hold God's loving gaze, the small act that would lead me into new and deeper understandings of my faith, my love, and myself. Ignatian Contemplation did not come easily to me but as I stuck with it (thanks once again, to encouragement from Kelly) the world of scripture as I had known it was broken wide open. Readings I had heard in church for decades, had read numerous reflections about , and had even taught in Religion classes suddenly held great epiphanies of what Jesus was all about and on a personal level, God's plan for me. As I traveled with Jesus during his ministry, God revealed to me what my own journey had been and what He still had in store for me. God spoke to me in my thoughts but they were easily recognizable as being of and from Him. He was now in my head and heart and spirit. My daily walks became time to give thanks for creation; I learned to slow down and embrace all that had been given to me; to give thanks to be in this place in this time. My days were filled with gratitude and I was finally learning to live in the moment and to be intentional. I could feel God's presence throughout my day and at times it was overwhelmingly powerful. Just as I started my days with God I looked forward to ending them there as well. In the daily Examen, God and I went through the day together, sharing all the people and events that held grace for me and were messages of where God was leading me. I finally understood the power of this simple prayer and how it leads to discernment ever so gently and assuredly day by day.

The urge became stronger and stronger to return home to the loving embrace of my family and friends, to my spiritual home of the Mission Church, to the work that had been left unfinished at Sacred Heart Nativity School. The voices were many; Lucia, my granddaughter whose dreams I will never again doubt, my mom who constantly found new ways to say she didn't need me in Florida and it was OK to leave, my friends who revealed to me that my presence would be a loving balm to their wounds; but more than all of these was the call of Jesus to return to the Eucharist. The only thing that all of these voices shared was their location - HOME. So the release began. I opened my tight fisted-hold on my home, my possessions, my plan and embraced the unmarked trail that was God's plan for me and me alone. I learned, for the first time in my life, to put my complete trust in a presence beyond that of my head or heart. I embraced Ignatius's prayer, the Suscipe and it became part of my daily mantra. (Take Lord, receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, my entire will - all I have and possess. You have given all to me, Now I return it. All of it is yours. Dispose of it according to your will. Give me only your love and your grace, that's enough for me.) I took on the easy yoke of Jesus and learned to love as He did, to leave my possessions behind and follow Him, and to look at the world through his compassionate eyes.

The me that I was, has been, and continues to change. I look forward to what God has planned for me as I listen for His voice in prayer, contemplation, music, and my dreams. I sit back and wait patiently, knowing that all God has planned for me is goodness. I was reminded of this at a recent homily about how God answers prayers - he responds with yes, not yet, or I have a better idea. I am trusting completely in all three of these answers as I discern God's plan for all the grace and blessings that wait for me in the days and years ahead.

My Response to the Contemplation on the Kingdom of God

 My Lord and Savior, I come to you with all that I am and offer it for your service.  In partnership with you and your disciples, I lay my gifts at your feet to be used as you deem important in the work of spreading Your Goodness and love throughout the world.  I wish to follow your model in trusting in God's protection that I might conquer the fear of bearing personal pain as I stand beside you in the work ahead.  I offer you unending praise, glory, and love to magnify Your being.  I offer you my YES if that is what you desire.  If I can be of service in the work at hand, I ask You to use my words, my prayers, and my actions in order to fulfill the purpose for which I was created.  

Contemplation on the Incarnation

 At the beginning of what's known as the Second Week of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, I entered into the Contemplation of the Incarnation. It has found a home in my heart and head and given me new ways of looking at others and moving in the world.

In this meditation, St. Ignatius invites us to imagine the Trinity looking down upon the earth and seeing it filled with human beings. We are invited to use our imaginations to ponder what the Trinity sees and notices in gazing upon all the people. Ignatius adds a few thoughts on what we might see: some healthy, others sick, some weeping, and others laughing. He invites us to notice the blindness and aimlessness and to hear how people are talking to each other. Finally, he invites us to hear the Trinity say, “Let us work the redemption of the human race,” as God plans to send the angel to Mary and then watches as the Incarnation is set into motion.

As I began this contemplation, I envisioned the Trinity looking down at the world and all they survey. They are first struck by the beauty of it all. This creation is still absolutely stunning to witness. The zoomed out lens which they are viewing is that familiar sight that today we recognize as The Blue Marble, the picture taken by the Apollo 17 crew of Earth from space. As their focus narrows, they take in the forests, mountains and oceans still teaming with the flora and fauna that came into being so long ago. Their view continues to come into focus and they take in the glory of the abundant colors - the colors of people - fair-skinned and dark-skinned, the colors of their clothing, brightly hued. As they rest in this moment these human beings create an amazing tapestry beyond description. As their vision comes closer and closer, the sounds of these beautiful people become audible. There is the joyful laughter of children playing and the gentle hum of people working together for the greater good. But soon, those harmonious sounds are overpowered by loud and coercive voices. These are the sounds of adults yelling at one another, calling each other names. The Divine soon realize that what appeared to be diversity has now revealed itself to be division. People are not listening to each other and so many are being led by greed and power. The new god of worship is domination over rather than loving with.

As the gaze of the Trinity takes it all in, they realize that this is something that is not going to fix itself. Somehow, they are going to have to intervene. They need a plan and the time is now. They are Divine Love and they soon realize that they must start again and create the rebirth of love in this, Their beloved people. What better way could love be reborn than in the incarnation of God in the Baby Jesus? They agree that Jesus will be sent with the Holy Spirit to guide Him in his human form. In this way, God's people can once again know Him, love Him and come to serve Him through their love for one another.

While They are deeply distraught at all They have seen, They are also reassured that love will win in the end. Each person on Earth has been born with the spark of God's being. It is always there and can never be extinguished. As each of us loves into existence all that we can be, so will each person with whom we come in contact. This is hope in its truest sense. You and I and everyone living has the power of one. As I encounter God's presence within me and I become my best self, my love and service emanates into the world and it ripples outward to my friends, family, and strangers with whom I interact.

So, as the Trinity take in the beauty and brokenness of the world They are confident that Their love will overpower greed and division. Jesus will be born in the lowest possible form and will save the world.  

Morning Offering

 Dear God, thank you for the gift of this new day.  I pray that whatever waits for me will serve as a blessing to you.  Lord, I offer everything that I will think, do , or say and dedicate it to your service.  Please protect me and keep me close to your side.  Help me keep your commandments and seek divine goodness.  Guide me in sharing all that I have with those who may be in need in order that I might see your face in everyone that I encounter.  At the end of the day, may I return to you in gratitude with open hands and a loving heart so that all I have been given is returned to you. 

Amen

The First Principle and Foundation

 As is every other human being, I am the incarnate image of God and as such, am God’s beloved.  My greatest desire is to live in that love forever.  In an effort to return that infinite love, I promise to praise, honor, and serve God.  

Everything I have is created by God and has been gifted for my use and protection.  God has given me access to anything that might be of assistance in honoring my creator.  I yearn to know God more fully and to continually return that great love with the  help of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.  

Hence as a steward of creation, I promise to protect the earth and everything in it so these gifts can be used to glorify God.  However, no part of creation can ever take the place of God nor impede me from returning God’s love.  Everything must work toward the single goal of praising God.  

It is important that I keep all of creation in balance so that I can seek and return God’s love.  Everything in creation has value only to the extent that it can be used by all of humanity to serve God.  There is no preference for health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, life or death as each of these can be conducive to searching out God’s love and calling forth our loving response.  The only choice that needs to be made is the determination of what will deepen God’s love in me.  

Neither can I be the obstacle that  stands in the way of responding to God’s love.  I cannot hide behind my ego and self-will or the walls of protection that I have built to make myself believe that I am serving God when in actuality I have replaced God’s will with my own.  

God is alive in me and together we will work to co-create the earthly journey of my human existence so that I might be the voice and hands of God at work in the world.  As God’s love is revealed to me, my response will be to live out the love of God that surrounds and protects me.